


shennanagins and free wifi means chaos²

by nurdalurt



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves is Alive because I said so, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Lesbian Vanya Hargreeves, Mild Language, Post Apocalypse AU, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, chat fic, making fun of luther, that chat fic nobody asked for, will add ships and characters as mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-06-25 12:19:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19745641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nurdalurt/pseuds/nurdalurt
Summary: beefcakedaddy: who left a bowl full of orange juice on the counterbeefcakedaddy: desgustangemo.tionless: whoever introduced luther to memesemo.tionless: prepare to get slappedemo.tional: klaus you better runghosted has left the chatthat one Umbrella Academy group chat fic no one asked for-





	1. emo bois & fragile men

**Author's Note:**

> just a quick who's who cause it's helpful to know-
> 
> luther: luther_hargreeves  
> diego: arealman  
> allison: gossipgirl  
> klaus: ghosted  
> five: hereandthere  
> ben: tentickles  
> vanya: emo.tional

**15:42 luther_hargreeves created a chat with: arealman, gossipgirl, ghosted, tentickles, and emo.tional to ‘the umbrella family’**

**luther_hargreeves** : Hello, family! I just got messanger!

**ghosted** : let’s get this party started-

**ghosted has renamed the chat ‘danger rangers with a side of fries’**

**hereandthere** : what does that even mean?

 **hereandthere** : luther’s name was better 

**ghosted** : it’s for the aesthetic

**arealman** : what are you trying to say about us

**gossipgirl** : diego is literally the only ‘danger ranger’

**luther_hargreeves** : What is a “danger ranger”?

**tentickles** : it’s what you hooligans are 

**tentickles** : and what i am not

**gossipgirl** : debatable

**ghosted** : that is false

**hereandthere** : fake news

**luther_hargreeves** : Don’t imply that I am a hooligan

**emo.tional** : Ben, you are the most lowkey hooligan

 **emo.tional** : you’re a hooligan who never gets caught

**ghosted** : aka the worst kind

**tentickles** : i came here for a good time but honestly i’m feeling so attacked right now

**arealman** : that’s a dead meme

**tentickles** : hater

**ghosted:** yes?

**hereandthere** : we have strayed from the topic guys  
**hereandthere** : remember the chat name?

**gossipgirl** : oh my god

**ghosted** : what’s wrong with it

**hereandthere** : for starters you implying that we are ‘danger rangers’

 **hereandthere** : and second you are assuming that we are some sort of main course by saying ‘with a side of fries’

**luther_hargreeves** : Either you’re saying that all of us are ‘danger rangers’ or saying some of us are fries

**tentickles** : i don’t know about ya’ll but i don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a danger ranger or a fry

**ghosted** : thank you ben

**emo.tional:** i’m just saying from a wise perspective that we are all danger rangers

 **emo.tional:** we literally all seek out danger

 **emo.tional** : except for allison and she’s the side of fries

**gossipgirl** : yes

**ghosted has changed their name to ‘fry’**

**luther_hargreeves** : really allison?

**ghosted** : don’t be a hater

**hereandthere** : i expected more from you allison

 **hereandthere** : you had so much more potential than the others

**ghosted** : we’ve taken her to the dark side  
**ghosted** : fight us if you dare

**tentickles** : that was NOT an invitation just to clarify  
**tentickles** : i for one don’t condone klaus’ actions at all

**hereandthere** : too late benny

**hereandthere has gone offline**

**tentickles** : oh for fucks sake  
**tentickles** : now i gotta run away

**ghosted** : that ominous little boy

**hereandthere has come online**

**hereandthere had changed their name to ‘herethereandeverywhere’**

**hereandthereandeverywhere** : careful what you say about me or else you’re next

**hereandthereandeverywhere has gone offline**

**fry** : 

**fry** : ohkay

**emo.tional** : someone shorten his name it gives me a stomachache

 **emo.tional** : and i don’t know how

**tentickles** : i’m not even going to ask

**arealman** : who doesn’t know how to change another person’s name??

**ghosted** : vanya apparently

**arealman** : no shit  
**arealman** : here i’ll change it back

**arealman has changes hereandthereandeverywhere’s name to ‘hereandthere’**

**fry** : diego you can’t talk cause you literally asked me to explain it to you three weeks ago

**arealman** :

 **arealman** : topic change requested

**tentickles** : and this time it’s uh luther’s turn

**luther_hargreeves** : Wow putting me on the spot

 **luther_hargreeves** : Hmm

 **luther_hargreeves** : ‘Yo Mama’ jokes?

**arealman** : *inhale*

**fry** : mama mia

**emo.tional** : here we go again

**hereandthere has come online**

**hereandthere** : they are insulting in every single way

 **hereandthere** : if someone said that about mom i’d beat em up

**emo.tional** : yeah i love mom

 **emo.tional** : she’s an awesome mom

**arealman** : not just an awesome mom

 **arealman** : the BEST mom by the way

 **arealman** : anyone want to fight me on that can do die in a hole

**ghosted** : i would use them all the time except we all have the same mom

**tentickles** : well if we’re being biological about it-

**emo.tional** : shut up ben

**ghosted** : yeah shut up ben

**tentickles** : i can’t help that i’m smart

 **tentickles** : it’s a talent of mine

**hereandthere** : too bad you never use it

**tentickles** : we were so close :(

**luther_hargreeves** : I have a question

**fry** : and we may have an answer

**hereandthere** : this isn’t school luther, just ask it

**luther_hargreeves:** Are we keeping the group chat name as it is or are we changing it?

**ghosted** : yes

**fry** : yes

**emo.tional** : yes

**hereandthere** : absolutley not

**arealman** : as one of the assumed ‘danger rangers’

 **arealman** : no

**tentickles** : cause klaus made it

 **tentikles** : no

**hereandthere** : luther break the tie

**arealman** : you already know what he’s gonna pick

 **arealman** : cause allison picked it

**luther_hargreeves** : You got me there

 **luther_hargreeves** : I like Klaus’ one

**tentickles** : you’re weak luther

 **tentickles** : i thought you were a strong man

 **tentickles:** but you’re a weak little boy

**fry** : ben stop he’s fragile

**ghosted** : he takes being an alpha male super seriously and doesn’t like being threatened

**hereandthere** : apologize

**tentickles** : ...sorry…

**luther_hargreeves** : Thank you

**emo.tional** : aw how sweet

**arealman** : ew that’s desgustang

**hereandthere** : don’t be upset because you can’t appreciate people being nice and resolving conflict

**arealman** : and i’m going back to lurking

**ghosted** : wow

**tentickles** : you talk about lurking as though it's a common activity

**fry** : he probably makes it one

 **fry** : such an emo boy

**emo.tional** : hey

**tentickles** : you know it's true

**fry has changed arealman's name to 'emo'**

**emo.tional** : if he's gonna be called emo he's gonna have to have one of our names

**emo.tional has changed emo's name to 'emo.tionless'**

**emo.tionless:** i hate you all

**emo.tional** : but diego,,, now we’re matching

**ghosted:** even me?

**emo.tionless:** especially you

**tentickles** : it's okay klaus you still have me

**ghosted:** thank you

 **ghosted** : uwu

**tentickles** : i take it back

**ghosted** : :(

**16:02 ghostie > deadie**

**ghostie:** you're joking right?

 **ghostie:** please tell me you're just joking

**deadie:** yes

 **deadie:** you're fine

 **deadie** : we're fine

**ghostie** : okay, i'm just making sure

**deadie** : i know

 **deadie** : now let’s go back to the chat cause they’re worried mkay?

**ghostie** : okay

**16:09 ghosted > ‘danger rangers with a side of fries’**

**ghosted** : greetings brothers and allinya

 **ghosted** : whatd i miss

**fry** : did you just combine me and vanya’s names?

**tentickles** : can you not read

**hereandthere** : where were you klaus

**ghosted** : aw

 **ghosted** : did you miss me?

  
**hereandthere** : in your dreams


	2. mr funny guy

**11:23 emo.tionless > ‘danger rangers with a side of fries’**

**emo.tionless** : guys luther needs a name change  
**emo.tionless** : we all have cool names and he has a grandpa one

**ghosted** : on it

**luther_hargreeves** : Wha-  
**luther_hargreeves:** But I like my name. It suits me nicely

**hereandthere** : cause it’s your name dingus

**luther_hargreeves** : And?

**ghosted has changed luther_hargreeves’ name to ‘beefcakedaddy’**

**beefcakedaddy** : I don’t know you guys. This name feels oddly, sexual…

**tentickles** : is this guy being for real right now?  
**tentickles** : you are literally built as though michaelangelo chiseled what he thought a sexy body was  
**tentickles** : no homo though

**beefcakedaddy** : If you say so

**beefcakedaddy has gone offline**

**ghosted** : ben you can’t no homo that  
**ghosted** : that was so gay

**tentickles** : watch me

**fry has come online**

**fry** : who complimented luther?  
**fry** : he’s literally got the biggest ego right now

**emo.tional:** @tentickles

**emo.tionless** : @tentickles

**ghosted** : @tentickles

**tentickles** : wow guys thanks for ratting me out

**fry** : shame on you.

**tentickles** : mhm

**beefcakedaddy has come online**

**beefcakedaddy** : Oh, it’s all fine Ally  
**beefcakedaddy** : Anyways, now that the whole group is here can we please move on from the topic of usernames?

**hereandthere** : mmmmm  
**hereandthere** : no

**fry** : what does your username even mean

**hereandthere** : think about it  
**hereandthere** : i literally teleport place to place  
**hereandthere** : ergo never in the same place for more than a few minutes  
**hereandthere** : ergo i am here and there

**fry** : K

**tentickles** : when someone texts you K and you’re not in the mood to talk about potassium

**emo.tionless** : bruh

**ghosted** : we get it ben you’re smart  
**ghosted** : no need to rub it in our face

**hereandthere** : in certain scenarios, one would use the phrase  
**hereandthere** : thats what she said

**fry** : adbfgibows

**tentickles** :  
**tentickles** : did five just  
**tentickles** : do a joke

**beefcakedaddy** : i’m sooo proud

**emo.tional** : haha

**hereandthere** : come on you guys  
**hereandthere** : you guys are acting like i’ve never been funny before

**emo.tionless** : cause you haven’t  
**emo.tionless** : you’re literally the least funny one out of all of us

**ghosted** : well  
**ghosted** : besides luther

 **beefcakedaddy** : HEY

**hereandthere** : this is the low point of my life

**emo.tional** : well, for one i think you’re super funny five

**hereandthere** : thank you

**ghosted** : you’re not.  
**ghosted** : she’s just being nice

**hereandthere** : no-

**emo.tionless** : let’s all tell jokes then  
**emo.tionless** : see who’s the funniest

**ghosted** : it’s gonna be me

**tentickles** : NSYNC!

**emo.tional** : one of us

**emo.tionless** : one of us

**tentickles** : nevermind

**beefcakedaddy** : I’ll go first  
**beefcakedaddy** : This one is my best one okay..  
**beefcakedaddy:** What did our moon say to Mars’ largest moon when it was drifting away?  
**beefcakedaddy** : Don’t panic Phobos

**tentickles** : luther i get it but it’s not funny

**emo.tionless** : what does that mean?

**tentickles** : phobos means panic/fear  
**tentickles** : he’s saying don’t panic panic

**emo.tional** : would’ve been funnier if you said something about phobos at the disco

**ghosted** : i cHIME IN

**hereandthere** : ha

**fry** : okay, diego next

**emo.tionless sent a 1:43 video**

**fry** : what the hell

**hereandthere** : diego what the fuck is that

**emo.tional** : is that

**ghosted** : diego that’s beautiful

**beefcakedaddy** : How is Diego singing the ‘Go Diego Go’ theme song where his freaking face is pasted over Diego’s funny  
**beefcakedaddy** : But my space comedy is not

**tentickles** : because you’re not funny luther

**ghosted has changed emo.tional’s name to ‘godiegogo’**

**godiegogo** : beat that  
**godiegogo** : allison your turn

**fry changed their name to ‘adele’**

**adele** : rumor has it

**ghosted** : pathetic attempt

**beefcakedaddy** : I thought it was somewhat funny.

**emo.tional** : that’s cause allison told the joke

**beefcakedaddy** : Whatever

**hereandthere** : here i’ll go next cause i’m all about disrupting that orderly number stuff  
**hereandthere** : mitochondria ain’t the powerhouse of the cell  
**hereandthere** : it’s britany bitch

**ghosted** : that was actually somewhat good  
**ghosted** : you have proven yourself worthy my boy

**adele** : we aren’t gonna stop here though cause ben, you and v have to go

**ghosted** : okay, i’ll go  
**ghosted:** my existance  
**ghosted** : *the office stare*

**godiegogo** : woooow  
**godiegogo** : clap clap clap

**beefcakedaddy** : Wow, I love ‘The Office’

**hereandthere** : okay klaus

 **tentickles** : well that’s enough self depricating humor for one day

**emo.tional** : buuut i didn’t go yet

**adele** : well if you were gonna do a self depricating joke too then we can go ahead and put you and klaus at the same level

**emo.tional** : i guess  
**emo.tional** : then only ben is left

**ghosted** : okay benny the floor is yours

**tentickles** : okay but i’m funny all the time  
**tentickles** : i use sarcasm as my main form of humor  
**tentickles:** so i automatically win  


**emo.tional** : wow okay

**adele** : i’d argue but i cannot  
**adele** : he’s being dead serious

**beefcakedaddy** : So who won?

**ghosted** : i think diego

**godiegogo** : hell yeah

**hereandthere** : can we vote for ourselves

**adele** : no

**hereandthere** : ugh then probably diego

**emo.tional** : klaus  
**emo.tional** : cause he and i were gonna have the same kinda joke so it’s basically like voting for myself

**ghosted** : gee thanks v  
**ghosted** : at first i thought you actually cared about me

**tentickles** : don’t get an ego  
**tentickles** : i vote for diego  
**tentickles** : he was a meme

**godiegogo** : hELL YEAH

**beefcakedaddy** : i vote for ben  
**beefcakedaddy** : he was the only one who thought my joke was funny

**tentickles** : see  
**tentickles** : nerds rule the world

**adele** : i vote for diego  
**adele** : he had a good attitude about being associated with a children’s show

**godiegogo** : i vote for klaus cause he voted for me

**adele** : hey  
**adele** : i voted for you

**godiegogo** : yeah but klaus voted first

**ghosted** : the early bird does get the worm

**adele** : yeah yeah whatever

**beefcakedaddy** : So, Diego is the funniest?

**hereandthere** : apparently   
**hereandthere** : i thought it was a little out of character for diego to openly make fun of himself  
**hereandthere** : but whatever you know

**adele** : it was for the meme

**godiegogo** : mhm  
**godeiegogo** : because i totally made that video by myself  
**godiegogo** : in my own spare time

**ghosted** : he cheated!

**tentickles** : banned from the mickey mouse club

**emo.tional** : no need to be harsh ben

**tentickles** : i can’t help it it’s just my personality

**hereandthere** : while i’d love to sit here and watch you guys bash ben i have to go  
**hereandthere** : because unlike you guys, i have a social life and a job

**hereandthere has gone offline**

**emo.tional** : oh yeah my job  
**emo.tional** : eh whatever  
**emo.tional** : the kid is literally playing by himself and doesn’t care that i’m in the room

**adele** : i have a social life  
**adele** : but unlike five i’m trying to bond with my siblings

**ghosted** : i am flattered that you want to bond with us

**tentickles** : she probably didn’t mean you specifically

**ghosted** : oh shut up ben  
**ghosted** : go reboot the wifi it’s bad

**tentickles** : ugh  
**tentickles** : remind me why i let you move in with me

**ghosted** : cause i’m nice

**tentickles** : sure

**tentickles has gone offline**

**beefcakedaddy** : So I guess it’s just us now?

**godiegogo has gone offline**

**beefcakedaddy** : Another one bites the dust

**ghosted has gone offline**

**emo.tional has gone offline**

**beefcakedaddy** : Hey  
**beefcakedaddy** : I think we’re alone now

**adele has gone offlice**

  
**beefcakedaddy** : Oh come on!  
**beefcakedaddy** : Now that was really funny


	3. hE sHuT tHe WiFi oFf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a guide of who's who, some of em are self explanatory but some arent so,,  
> hup: luther  
> alien 1, kay: klaus  
> alien 2, vee: vanya  
> bee: ben  
> eye: five

**12:02 4 > hup, 2, 3, 4**

**4** : can someone request a good hitman  
**4** : i need to get rid of one (1) man

 **hup:** What did Ben do

 **4** : bold of you to assume it’s ben  
**4** : it could be uhhh five

 **3** : it’s ben

 **2** : did he turn off the wifi  
**2** : cause if so i’m not gonna fix it

 **4** : welllll

 **hup:** Oh good god…

 **3** : just ask him to turn it back on  
**3** : i have to go we’re shooting a scene

**3 has gone offline**

**4** : but-

 **2** : you chicken

 **2** : ask him

 **4** : but he’s sleeping

 **2** : not my problem

 **4** : ugh i hate you

 **2** : that’s just how i roll

**4 has gone offline**

**12:17 ghostie > deadie**

**ghostie** : ben

 **deadie** : alas i have been expecting you

 **ghostie** : ben this ain’t funny

 **deadie** : i beg to differ  
**deadie** : i find this amusing

 **ghostie** : i’m pained benny

 **deadie** : all the more entertaining

 **ghostie** : you sadist

 **deadie** : that’s me

 **ghostie** : please turn the wifi on

 **deadie** : what if i said that i didn’t want to

 **ghostie** : 

**deadie** : mcdonalds has good wifi  
**deadie** : plus it’s free

 **ghostie** : ben don’t kick me out

 **deadie** : there is no other way

 **ghostie** : ben i hate you

 **deadie** : i’m glad you feel the same way

 **ghostie** : blocked and reported  
**ghostie** : i hope you choke on your food

 **deadie** : thanks for the feedback  
**deadie** : i’ll be sure to tell my manager

 **ghostie** : ben you’re awful

 **deadie** : i know

 **ghostie** : ugh

 **deadie** : don’t you have a job  
**ghostie** : my shift ended 20 minutes ago

 **deadie** : we live 30 minutes away from the coffee shop??

 **ghostie** : i ran home

 **deadie** : oookaaay  
**deadie** : i’ll reboot it in a bit i’m working on something

 **ghostie** : ughhhh  
**ghostie** : which job is it for

 **deadie** : i only have one job

 **ghostie** : ben you literally tutor kids  
**ghostie** : make luther’s gym merch  
**ghostie** : do hacking

 **deadie** : i’m a software developer

 **ghostie** : sounds like hacking shit

 **deadie** : fuck you  
**deadie** : the longer you list stuff i do as for a living the longer i get distraced so thats just taking time away that i could be doing meaningful stuff  
**deadie** : like i dunno rebooting the wifi

 **ghostie** : okay jeez i’ll just go to v’s house then

 **deadie** : check with her to make sure that it’s okay

 **ghostie** : K

 **deadie** : when-

 **ghostie** : finish that statement and you’ll die this in this time around too

 **deadie** : go talk to vanya

 **ghostie** : goodbye brother

 **deadie** : bye.

**12:42 alien one > alien two**

**alien one** : do you have wifi at your house  
**alien one** : follow up question can i come over?

 **alien two** : sorry i got three kids over for lessons

 **alien one** : i won’t bother you  
**alien one** : i can sit outside and just use the wifi from out there

 **alien two** : you forget that i live in an apartment and you’d be sitting in the hallway

 **alien one** : so?

 **alien two** : why do you want wifi so bad

 **alien one** : ben broke ours

 **alien two** : i doubt that  
**alien two** : he is literally a tech nerd

 **alien one** : welp he did

 **alien two** : sure

 **alien one** : one itsy bitsy problemo

 **alien two** : what

 **alien one** : i need a ride

 **alien two** : just walk over

 **alien one** : i ran home from work. i can’t do that

 **alien two** : it’s half an hour away from your house by car???

 **alien one** : it took me twenty minutes to run fast

 **alien two** : have ben take you

 **alien one** : he’s too busy to reset the wifi do you think he’d drive me over?

 **alien two** : ask diego or luther

 **alien one** : they laughed at me when i told them about what ben did

 **alien two** : have five teleport you or something

 **alien one** : he can do that?

 **alien two** : probably not  
**alien two** : but teleport him over to you and then he’ll bring you here. tell him he forgot his pen

 **alien one** : he doesn’t like me

 **alien two** : do it in the group chat and i’ll be back up  
**alien two** : but i may be a while because of the kids

 **alien one** : thanks v

**13:04 kay > ‘5,6,7,8 divided by two’**

**kay** : five i have a favor to ask of you

 **eye** : what

 **kay** : teleport me to vanya’s with you

 **eye** : no  
**eye** : have ben drive you

 **bee** : i’m busy

 **kay** : please?

 **eye** : why do you need to go anyways

 **kay** : ben shut off the wifi and v is letting me use hers

 **eye** : and she can verify this?

 **vee** : yes, teleport him five  
**vee** : you also forgot your pen so it wouldnt be a complete waste of time

 **eye** : fine

 **bee** : is this what you wanted klaus?  
**bee** : you couldn’t wait five minutes for me to turn on the wifi

 **kay** : i’m impatient

 **eye** : klaus i’m gonna come over in a minute so please don’t scream when i get there

 **kay** : why would i-

 **eye** : i’m never jumping with klaus again he screamed like a baby

 **kay** : hey!

 **bee** : okay klaus i hope you’re happy  
**bee** : i literally just fixed the wifi

 **eye** : you’ve gotta be kidding me

 **kay** :  
**kay** : five can you

**eye has gone offline**

**bee** : life lessons

 **vee** : also klaus when the kids inevitably leave my apartment don’t be weird

 **kay** : when am i ever weird

 **bee** : do you really want us to answer that

 **kay** : no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i decided to try a new style for the fic with smaller chats instead of the main one with seven people, feedback would be super appreciated!


	4. cackles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's another chapter... thaaaaaaaanks

**00:13 fifty > old men united**

**fifty** : guys   
**fifty** : i know its midnight but its an emergency

**one hundred** : Hm?

**fifty** : ben?

**sixty** :   
**sixty** : here...but i’m tired so uh it better be an emergency

**fifty** : it is

**one hundred** : tell us so we can fix it

**fifty** : okay so i dont know where to start but basically i was doing my laundry

**sixty** : five really?   
**sixty** : it’s midnight

**fifty** : i’m a night owl   
**fifty** : but anyways i had to wash like all my clothes and fast cause i wont have any time to do anything for the next few weeks   
**fifty:** and i may or may not’ve put all my clothes into the washing machine at one time

**one hundred** : Oh God...How full?

**fifty** : like no extra space full

**sixty** : did it wash

**one hundred** : What do you think Ben?

**sixty** : it’s a genuine question

**fifty** : no it didnt wash you dingus   
**fifty** : but i may need a new washer cause it kinda broke

**sixty** : how bad

**one hundred** : Send us a picture to see if I can fix it

**00:39 fifty has sent three images**

**sixty** : you said it ‘broke’ that looks exploded man   
**sixty** : i would laugh but i’m tired

**one hundred** : Holy crow! That’s awful…

**fifty** : what should i do?

**sixty** : if i were you i’d go to sleep

**one hundred** : Don’t listen to him. He’s being lazy. Clean up the mess and then separate all the clothes and machine scraps. Then make sure that the outlet the washing machine was plugged into has no sign of being active.

**sixty** : blah blah blah   
**sixty** : do it in the morning

**fifty** : are you even paying attention to whats happening

**sixty** : do you want my honest opinion

**fifty** :   
**fifty** : yes

**sixty** : take whatever luther says to heart and then nap for a few hours and do it when you wake up   
**sixty** : so then you can text the main group chat about this and you can get more help than if you were to wake everybody up

**fifty** : alright...i just don’t know if it’s gonna explode again so can i crash at one of your places

**one hundred** : I don’t know if that’s the best idea at the moment…

**sixty** : allison

**one hundred** : I-

**fifty** : gross   
**fifty** : ben?

**sixty** : yeah head on over i’ll set up the couch

**fifty** : thanks

**one hundred** : Goodnight guys

**fifty** : night

**sixty** : till the morning bretheren

**fifty** : you’ve spent too much time around klaus

**sixty** : i live with him

**fifty** : my point proven

**08:49 hereandthere > danger rangers with a side of fries**

**hereandthere** : hey guys i have a problem

**godiegogo** : ha suffer

**tentickles** : diego this is actually important

**godiegogo** : fine   
**godiegogo** : what’s wrong

**08:54 hereandthere sent one image**

**ghosted** : well well well   
**ghosted** : what have we here

**adele** : is that a fridge

**emo.tional** : oh shit what the fuck   
**emo.tional** : thats something that exploded right?   
**emo.tional** : please tell me thats not a microwave

**hereandthere** : its a um washing machine

**ghosted** : hA

**tentickles** : exactly   
**tentickles** : and ask him how it exploded

**hereandthere** : betrayed. ben i thought you would be on my side in the morning

**tentickles** : you thought wrong biotch

**adele** : how did it explode

**ghosted** : it has to be super dumb cause ben is actually howling laughing

**hereandthere** : 1) shame on ben   
**hereandthere** : 2) it is NOT dumb

**beefcakedaddy** : Well… it’s a little dumb.

**godiegogo** : and luther’s back from the dead

**ghosted** : wow diego that’s my doing right there

**adele** : anyways   
**adele** : while i’d love to hear ya’ll give kudos to klaus for ressurecting luther n stuff i want to hear what five did

**ghosted** : oooh yeah   
**hereandthere** : 

**hereandthere:** i put my clothes in the washing machine

**tentickles** : we all know there was more to it

**hereandthere** : iputallmyclothesinthewashingmachine

**adele** : *no response*

**ghosted** : ohmygod hahahaha   
**ghosted** : and you guys said i was the dumb impatient one

**tentickles** : i’m cackling

**ghosted** : he really is

**godiegogo** : lmao

**beefcakedaddy** : Haha. I have to go, sorry guys.

**beefcakedaddy has gone offline**

**09:10 mother > son**

**mother** : five bucks he’s not even laughing

**son** : twenty he is

**mother** : fine twenty he’s not

**son** : deal

**son** : kay imma go to him real quick

**son** : he’s actually laughing

**mother** : dangit

**son** : he thinks its funny when we fail lean a lesson or two

**mother** : ugh fine

**09:16 godiegogo > danger rangers with a side of fries**

**godiegogo** : so can someone explain to me why five jumped to my room and screamed ‘he’s laughing i’m so rich’ and then leaving???

**emo.tional** : 

**hereandthere** :

**tentickles** : oh god not another bet   
**tentickles** : how much was it

**ghosted:** ten bucks its 20 bucks

**tentickles** : no deal

**hereandthere** : good save of your money cause klaus was actually right

**godiegogo** : wow i can’t believe you guys would bet on me laughing

**adele** : everyone knows that diego only laughs at our failures   
**adele** : the little fucker

**tentickles** : honestly he is

**ghosted** : oh ben don’t act like you’re any better   
**ghosted** : you fell over laughing when i burnt my toast two weeks ago and you wouldnt shut up about it for a week

**adele** : when i couldnt speak cause my throat was sore and scratchy you said and your words not mine ‘good riddance of the curs-ed voice of allison hargreeves’ and then let out an evil laugh

**tentickles** : it was not evil

**godiegogo** : ben when you laugh at us you do have an evil laugh unless we do something actually funny as a joke

**emo.tional** : it’s kinda like a witch

**ghosted** : not kinda it is

**hereandthere** : see this ben? i could’ve protected you from this. but you chose to betray me and now you are dealing with the consequences

**tentickles** : :(

**hereandthere** : as you would say   
**hereandthere** : *cackles*

**adele** : did someone say name change?

**ghosted** : i think so

**adele changed tentickles’s name to ‘cackle’**

**cackle** : remind me why i waste the time of day to talk to you guys

**emo.tional** : exists

**cackle** : oh yeah

**godiegogo** : wow i love this family   
**godiegogo** : we have a lot of laughs

**09:31 beefcakedaddy has come online**

**beefcakedaddy** : shut the fuck up diego i’m not coming to your fucking baby shower

**ghosted** : ew what happened to luther?

**godiegogo** : send em to the ranch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it was like a full week before i posted another chapter and i'm super sorry. i'm gonna try to get on a schedule where i post two chapters per week but knowing me it'll be more than two some weeks and one some weeks. i hope you're enjoying the story so far and don't worry it's not gonna be all crack...it has a backbone- comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	5. my milkshake brings all the boys (and girls) to the yard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very very cracky but don't worry it'll be getting somewhere

**7: 23 beefcakedaddy > danger rangers with a side of fries**

**beefcakedaddy** : to whoever left a bowl of orange juice on the counter   
**beefcakedaddy** : desgustang

**godiegogo** : what happened to luther and his perfect grammar?

**beefcakedaddy** : the old luther cant come to the phone right now

**beefcakedaddy** : why? cause he’s dead

**godiegogo** : 

**godiegogo** : ew

**cackles** : why are you at the mansion

**beefcakedaddy** : checking in on pogo

**cackles** : vaild

**adele** : who fills a bowl up with orange juice? like that hooligan would probably also put cereal in a cup

**hereandthere** : it was probably klaus

**ghosted** : wrong   
**ghosted** : i wouldnt show up at that hellhole unless they had a billion dollars inside for me   
**ghosted** : and besides were a weird bunch so you cant put the blame on me

**beefcakedaddy** : *we’re

**cackles** : there he is

**godiegogo** : you know who’s been awfully quiet this entire conversation?  
**godiegogo** : vanya

**adele** : she wouldnt

**cackles** : are you sure about that

**hereandthere** : tbh she probably would

**ghosted** : and she’s over here lurking in the chat like she’s invisible   
**ghosted** : we caught you you little shit

**emo.tional has come online**

**emo.tional** :    
**emo.tional** : in my defense i was tired and my life needed change

**adele** : oh my GOD   
**adele** : i had so much faith in you but your just as bad as the brothers

**beefcakedaddy** : you’re

**adele** : luther this is serious

**beefcakedaddy** : you know i had to do it to em

**adele has changed emo.tional’s name to ‘orangejuice’**

**orangejuice** : i am hurt

**godiegogo** : serves you right   
**godiegogo** : eating disgusting food at an ungodly hour

**hereandthere** : smh

**orangejuice** : i was tired! and it was like five am i had an early day   
**orangejuice** : speaking of having an early day i have to go to work

**orangejuice has gone offline**

**beefcakedaddy** : smh we done scared her away

**godiegogo** : whoever introduced luther to memes will get smacked

**cackles** : klaus you gotta leave

**ghosted** : ratted out by my own brother

**ghosted has gone offline**

**adele** : this is the FAMILY group chat

**godiegogo** : all the more reason for me to smack him

**godiegogo has gone offline**

**adele** : okay so that conversation died off pretty quickly

**cackles** : mhm, i don’t want to seem like i’m lame and don’t have anything to do so i’m gonna go ahead and leave too

**cackles has gone offline**

**adele** : haha i’m on set rn but i’m texting ya’ll because i always have time to talk to my family

**beefcakedaddy** : :)

**adele** : (:

**hereandthere** : disgusting

**adele** : come on five its only us three you can smile at us

**hereandthere** : smiley faces are for the weak

**beefcakedaddy** : i- 

**hereandthere** : i refuse

**adele** : fine we’ll leave you to wallow away in sadness and emo-ness

**hereandthere** : thank you

**11:45 adele > danger rangers with a side of fries**

**adele** : does anyone want to go out for lunch   
**adele** : i don’t have anything for the rest of the day and it’s been a hot minute since we’ve all hung out

**beefcakedaddy** : sure

**godiegogo** : i guess

**hereandthere** : if ben goes i’ll go

**cackles** : i was supposed to tutor a kid today but sure i can go   
**cackles** : klaus leave work we’re going to lunch

**emo.tional** : why can’t he continue working

**cackles** : reasons

**emo.tional** : sounds sketchy

**ghosted** : i’ll be there, someone pick me up

**emo.tional** : i’ll get you

**adele:** where do ya’ll wanna go

**hereandthere:** griddys

**beefcakedaddy** : it’s noon

**hereandthere** : griddys is brunch and breakfast

**godiegogo** : they opened a burger place we can try out

**cackles** : what if i’m vegetarian

**godiegogo:** i guess you can have a salad

**hereandthere** : since when are you vegetarian 

**cackles** : i’m not

**beefcakedaddy** : then why does it matter

**cackles** : it doesn’t

**godiegogo** : let’s go for burgers then

**emo.tional** : send us the address

**godiegogo has shared the location of ‘burger palace’**

**ghosted** : sounds bougie   
**ghosted** : i like it

**emo.tional** : it’s forty five minutes away from your work?!?!

**ghosted** : i guess i’ll prepare a playlist

**cackles** : at times like this i’m jealous of five

**hereandthere** : at times like this five is happy to be alive

**adele** : it’s literally only ten minutes away from my place like what

**beefcakedaddy** : i’m here and i made a reservation

**cackles** : you only got the location ten minutes ago?

**beefcakedaddy** : i have my ways

**hereandthere** : kay i’m here too   
**hereandthere** : i’m ordering without ya’ll cause i’m hungry

**ghosted** : five you made vanya break the speed limit   
**ghosted** : she says she’s hungry too

**cackles** : well no duh she’s hungry it’s lunchtime

**godiegogo** : don’t text and drive ben

**cackles** : ugh fine

**cackles has gone offline**

**13: 27 godiegogo > danger rangers with a side of fries**

**godiegogo** : remind me to never go out to lunch with any of you ever again

**beefcakedaddy** : oh we weren’t that bad

**godiegogo** : maybe not you luther

**hereandthere** : okay that’s a far statement because you hate luther but we really weren’t that bad

**emo.tional** : take this as a lesson to never hang out with five klaus and ben in public

**godiegogo** : you were just as bad as them vanya

**adele** : wait what happened after i left??   
**adele** : i thought ya’ll were just getting milkshakes

**cackles** : that’s how it started but then klaus started singing the song

**ghosted** : oh no don’t you put the blame on me ben! vanya told me to do it!

**emo.tional** : because i didn’t think you’d actually do it!

**hereandthere** : he had to do it we were playing truth or dare   
**hereandthere** : and he’s no pussy right klaus

**cackles** : five peer pressured him into it

**adele** : can ya’ll slow down and one person tell the story

**ghosted** : no it adds to the experience when we all tell it

**hereandthere** : so then klaus sings the song

**adele** : what song?!

**emo.tional** : THE MILKSHAKE SONG

**godiegogo** : MILKSHAKE

**adele** : okay and?

**godiegogo** : and then klaus ben and vanya got really into it

**cackles** : i did not

**emo.tional** : me neither

**ghosted** : i admit, i was into it

**beefcakedaddy** : you chanted the lyrics while dancing

**ghosted** : exaggeration

**beefcakedaddy has sent 1 video**

**adele** : oh my god

**cackles** : slander

**hereandthere** : see me in the background? the sane one

**godiegogo** : sane my ass    
**godiegogo** : you got us banned

**adele** : what happened???

**emo.tional** : i accidentally knocked over my milkshake and five threw a fit

**hereandthere** : i did not!

**cackles** : yes you did!!   
**cackles** : you freaked out cause it got into your coffee

**godiegogo** : and you threw the cup at vanya

**emo.tional** : it was boiling hot and i wanted to die

**ghosted** : but it doesn’t end there no sir becasue we all still had our milkshakes

**godiegogo** : then we contiuned playing truth or dare

**cackles:** will someone help me play back to allison what happened during truth or dare

**ghosted** : i volunteer as tribute

**cackles** : nerdy   
**cackles** : but okay so pretend i’m five and klaus is diego

**hereandthere** : why can’t we do it ourselves??

**cackles** : because of biased storytelling

**ghosted** : okay let’s go

**cackles** : truth or dare diego. and remember this will determine whether you’re a real man or a pussy

**emo.tional** : very sexist

**ghosted** : i choose dare

**cackles** : i dare you to stand up on our table

**adele** : bro this is just getting worse and worse

**emo.tional** : so then diego stands up on the table and just doesn’t move and so everyone looks at he looks like he’s gonna say a speech

**cackles** : and then he starts saying a speech-

**ghosted** : only cause five dared him to   
**ghosted** : and i didn’t get it spot on so could someone help me recall?

**emo.tional** : yeah i got it   
**emo.tional** : attention all burger eating brothers   
**emo.tional** : we are joined today by burgers and milkshakes and we put our differences aside and we are burger brothers

**hereandthere** : and then they kicked us out after diego slipped off the table

**adele** : ya’ll need jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. that happened. i hope ya'll enjoyed the chapter, kudos and comments are appreciated have an awesome day


End file.
